I have drafted at least three posts in recent weeks. They are all saved. Maybe I will publish them. Maybe I won't. Don't really know yet. For now, there's this:
A couple weeks ago, my BFF called me and told me a friend of a friend had an English Mastiff puppy, eight months old, whom she could no longer care for. Apparently she found herself in over her head (she already has other dogs) and gave the dog to a rescue. I hadn't thought about getting another pup yet, but this prospect got me thinking. Ultimately, David and I agreed that if all circumstances were "ideal," we would take him. Well, turns out this pup has "major food aggression issues" and wouldn't be safe with my daughter. My daughter is, of course, my first priority. But I did prepare myself to have another Mastiff, and I even got pretty excited about it. When it didn't work out, I was sad. Sad that I wouldn't have this Mastiff. Sad that I didn't have Bubba. And I was really, really angry that this dog would miss out on a good life with me because its owner was irresponsible. Dogs aren't born with food aggression issues. I could stick my hands in Huan's food, tug on his ears while he was eating, take his bone away, etc. without him even flinching. Heck, he would drop his bone if we told him to, or even if we just gave him a "drop it" kind of look; and he would never touch or take his food until we gave him permission to approach his bowl.
So now I have the itch. I have been on Petfinder daily. I submitted an application to a national Mastiff rescue outfit. And all of this Mastiff talk and thinking and looking really, really, really makes me miss Huan. Today, David, who is very open to getting another breed of dog, said to me regarding getting another Mastiff, "You aren't going to get Huan back. I mean, he was Huan." And I cried because it hit me: Maybe that's what I really want and am looking for, not another Mastiff necessarily but another Bubba. My Bubba. Even my veterinarian cousin remarked in response to all this adoption talk that Huan was an exception and credit to his breed, that even "independent of" me, he "really was something special."
So rather than sadness, I am going to try my best to feel gratitude and happiness and pride for the amazing being that Huan was and for the countless ways in which he blessed my life. Because he really, really did. In the meantime, my adoption app is out there. Whether I am looking for a Mastiff or Huan specifically I can't say for sure, because I don't know how much of Huan was Huan, his breed, and / or my influence. But I know I would do right by another Mastiff--if for no other reason than, once upon a time, a Mastiff did so very right by me.
